One Step Back.

For the better part of last week, I found myself ardently wishing that someone in charge would show up at PJP Buttonwood and just tell me what to do.  I was in dire need of someone authoritative, someone brave, and someone with answers to walk through the door and take over.  Annnnnnnnnndddddddd...that person never showed up, mainly because that person is, well, me.  (I'm largely leaving Jeanne out of this discussion because she deals with stuff like this 987% better than I ever do.  She deserves $987,000 for even putting up with me last week.) There was nothing remarkable about last week.  Mainly 100 or so super annoying things happened in rapid succession over the course of four days, leaving me gasping for breath by early Friday afternoon.  I really wanted a reprieve from the pressure and from the mental energy I was expending on things that I had little control over.  I wanted my former pre-PJP life because I seriously wanted a vacation day.  Like a legitimate, still get paid but don't come to work or think about work vacation day.  I was sorry (and still am) that I ever took vacation days for granted in my old life.

But the reality of entrepreneurship is that few are willing to talk about is that no one else is going to show up and be in charge.  It sounds so obvious, right?  Owning your own business means that you are in charge and no one else is going to tell you what to do - by the very definition.  But until you have that moment where you wish someone would, I don't think you really get it.  At least I didn't.

And I'm sure there are a few of you shaking your head right now, incredulous that it has taken me 21 months to figure out that on occasion, I'll want to give up but I can't.  I KNOW, RIGHT?  I'm perpetually late to the party this way.  And because 99.4% of the time, PJP is such a joy.  And then 100 annoying things happen that makes the other .06% a true struggle I'm unprepared to deal with.  Jeanne and I always say this journey is continually two steps forward and one step back.  And last week, my one step back included hiding in the bathroom for 30 minutes because it is the only space in PJP Buttonwood with a door.

I wish I had a big moral point to this story...but I don't.  All I can tell you is that in spite of it all, I  worked all Friday afternoon, hosted an event on Friday night, and got back up and was at PJP Buttonwood by 6 am the next morning.  Even though I felt more than a little overwhelmed and like more like retreating by watching 12 hours of Netflix while laying on the couch.  So, there's that.  One step forward.