January
No less than five friends in retail texted me this week to say they feel January is the worst. Of course, I wholeheartedly agree - pandemic and political unrest aside. If January were a person, here is what we could expect:
January lets you walk around all day in your new t-shirt from Old Navy and doesn't tell you about the "XL" sticker still on your left boob.
January uses “their” when January clearly means “there”.
January parks three inches from your car door so that you have to crawl in through the passenger side.
January comes to your house and clogs the toilet.
January takes hours to text you back.
January eats all the peanuts and M&Ms out of the trail mix and leaves a bag of raisins.
January tries to return an eighth of a yard of cut ribbon to JoAnn’s.
January overuses emojis.
January drives slow in the passing lane.
January stops by Starbucks but doesn’t bring you a venti iced coffee with no classic syrup, but with six Splenda and a hit of heavy cream. Ahem.
Though, to be fair, at least it hasn’t snowed 18 inches and so I’ll give credit where credit is due. (Quick, go knock on wood before a Winter Storm Warning appears on our phones. Seriously.)